Kelsey Parker: ‘I feared negativity caused my baby’s death – so I kept my next pregnancy secret’

I will always look for the positive (Picture: Kelsey Parker)

‘Mum, have you got a baby in your tummy, or are you just getting fat?’, my daughter Aurelia, 7, asked earlier this year. 

I was well over 20 weeks pregnant. I knew I had to tell her and her 5-year-old brother Bodhi the truth. 

While other children might be excited at the news, I was worried mine would be scared. They’ve already been through so much – losing their dad Tom and baby brother Phoenix.

Phoenix was born sleeping at 39 weeks in June 2025 and me, my partner Will, Aurelia and Bodhi were devastated. 

Now I was expecting again, I wasn’t in a hurry for the world to know.  

When I’d first announced I was pregnant with Phoenix, I’d got a lot of heat for falling in love again and having another child after losing my husband Tom Parker, who was in The Wanted, in 2022. 

I just wanted to get on with being pregnant without outside influence (Picture: Kelsey Parker)

In my grief, I worried whether the bad energy and negativity played a part in why Phoenix didn’t survive. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone saying anything bad this time around. 

I also didn’t want anyone tracking how far along I was and anticipating my due date. I just wanted to get on with being pregnant without outside influence. 

So Will and I largely kept the news to ourselves. 

Once the kids knew, they were excited but also anxious so we tried to reassure them as much as possible.

The midwives offered me plenty of extra scans and checks, but I found that they worried my children. Every time I would go in they were relieved when everything was OK.

I knew, instinctively, that my little girl was good – and I am very thankful to say that she was. After only getting to hold Phoenix for nine minutes before he was taken from me, I am savouring each cuddle with her.

I’d planned my homebirth with Phoenix, but when my labour started it became clear that things were moving really quickly. Our midwife couldn’t get to us in time and she was on FaceTime when Phoenix came into the world, within minutes, stillborn. 

I was heartbroken but didn’t have time to fall apart because the paramedics arrived and the energy they brought into the house was absolutely horrendous. They started a domino effect and phoned the police. 

I didn’t understand why they were treating me like I was a criminal when it was so obvious what had happened. 

No one was treating me like a grieving mother (Picture: Kelsey Parker)

I was taken to hospital and put onto the maternity ward with a police officer stationed at my door. I wasn’t allowed to see my baby. Will never got to hold him. 

We got to hospital at 7:30pm and despite me recording Phoenix’s birth, no one watched the video until 1am – even though I kept begging the police and hospital staff to, so that they could see he was born sleeping.

In the end, the head midwife came in and watched the video. I went and locked myself in the bathroom and covered my ears so I couldn’t hear it. 

It was as if there was no thought behind anyone’s actions that night. No one was treating me like a grieving mother. Even after she confirmed he died of natural causes, I was still questioned. 

When we were finally allowed to see Phoenix, he didn’t look like the same baby that was born peacefully. 

The period after losing Phoenix was really isolating (Picture: Kelsey Parker)

The consultant said that if we were to hold him, we could do it through a mattress. We still had a police escort. It was so surreal. 

Eventually, we were allowed to go home to Aurelia and Bodhi, who were being looked after by my mum and auntie, and who were traumatised after what had happened.  

The period after losing Phoenix was really isolating. Everyone knew what had happened. I couldn’t bear to take the kids to school and face the questions. Or the pity. 

It took a year to get my head around what had actually happened to us. Not just losing Phoenix, but the way we were treated by the paramedics, police and hospital staff. Things really need to change to make sure other families don’t go through the same.

I’m so happy that I’ve got River, but that doesn’t take away that I’ve lost Phoenix (Picture: Kelsey Parker)

I desperately wanted to be pregnant again. Everyone feels completely different but I just wanted to start trying straight away. When I got the positive test in December, six months after losing Phoenix, I was just so happy. 

Of course I was scared but I had to believe that things would work out. It was a lot harder for Will as obviously, he couldn’t feel her, so he kept checking that I could. 

I planned to give birth in the hospital this time but I opted for one I’d never been to, 20 minutes’ drive away. 

Will never got to hold Phoenix so he is making the most of cuddles with River (Picture: Kelsey Parker)

Then, I went into labour quickly again and a homebirth was the only option. I didn’t have time to worry as River came into the world within minutes at 1:21am. 

Aurelia and Bodhi slept through the whole thing. 

River, Will and I were taken to the hospital where we’d seen Phoenix for the last time. Of course it was hard, and it all came flooding back when I was on that ward, but being back under such different circumstances did help lift that trauma. 

Still, we got out of there as soon as we could and by the time Aurelia and Bodhi got back from school, they got to meet their little sister. 

Aurelia and Bodhi are over the moon to have their little sister here (Picture: Kelsey Parker)

She has helped bring us all some peace. I do believe she’s a gift from Tom. We were together for 13 years and he was my best friend in the whole entire world. 

I know I’ll get trolled for saying it, but I like to think that he sent me River and that he is looking after my baby boy. 

People in my comments often say ‘her new partner must hate her going on TV and talking about her ex-husband’, and to that I have to say: Firstly, he is not my ‘ex-husband’. Secondly, Will doesn’t feel jealous of Tom. In fact, knowing that Phoenix is being looked after by Tom gives Will a bit of peace, too.

I see Tom and Phoenix every day in the signs they send me. Just little things, but I know it’s them letting me know they are near.

When you are going through devastating grief, I think you have to do whatever gives you peace of mind, and knowing they are close gives me that. 

I see Tom and Phoenix every day in the signs they send me (Picture: David Fisher/Shutterstock)

At home we talk a lot about Tom and Phoenix, and they share a memorial bench now, which I take comfort in.

We go down on their birthdays and at Christmas to celebrate them and chat about everything going on. 

I’m so happy that I’ve got River, but that doesn’t take away that I’ve lost Phoenix. Equally, when I was pregnant with Phoenix, that didn’t take away the loss of Tom. 

I never thought my life would turn out like this, never in a million years. The past five years have brought the deepest lows and the highest highs, and despite what happens, I will always look for the positive – because that is what brought me River. 

Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk. 

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