Why digital romance is more like shopping

In a world where a single swipe right can change your entire destiny, and algorithms match partners more accurately than intuition, romance has become a bit like browsing through an IKEA catalog. More and more often now, we search for the perfect “model” partner, comparing features and reviews as if choosing a new TV. And some people endlessly fill their online shopping cart without ever clicking “buy.”

Love or marketplace?

Let’s admit to ourselves that browsing potential partners’ profiles on a video app has started to increasingly feel like choosing a new gadget. Modern video apps have turned into relationship supermarkets, where people are displayed in a showcase like premium products.

Take a look at the interface of any popular video app: it contains everything we’re used to seeing in online stores. Tinder offers filters for age and distance — just like sorting products by price and availability in your nearest store. Bumble allows you to specify height, zodiac sign, education, religious beliefs — what is this if not choosing technical specifications? And Hinge even asks you to rate individual photos and profiles — just like a customer review section.

Only a few decades ago, a first date was like a parachute jump — thrilling, a little scary, and with no opportunity for prior study of a person’s “specifications.” Now, however, we’ve become more like picky shoppers who first read all the reviews, check the ratings, and only then decide whether it’s worth spending an evening having coffee with a potential “purchase.”

Why do people linger in the “digital supermarket of romance”?

So why are we so willing to spend hours and days on video apps? It’s simple: these platforms create a sense of control over the process of finding a partner, allowing us to choose from what seems like an endless array of options.

The ability to swipe through profiles, explore different people, and chat without having to immediately step out of your comfort zone creates the illusion of complete control over your own life. Plus having a wide selection to choose from gives the impression that your perfect partner is nearby — you just need to keep searching. An endless stream of potential matches sparks excitement and keeps drawing us back to the app again and again.

“The Netflix effect”: the paradox of choice in love

What do online love searches and selecting tonight’s movie have in common, you ask? When faced with too many options, we find it hard to make a decision. Or we start watching something but quickly lose interest because the nagging thought remains that maybe there’s a better choice. How does this manifest in video?

The more options there are, the harder it is to stop

When someone is faced with hundreds or even thousands of potential partners, the illusion of endless choice arises. This leads users not to try to develop a relationship but keep swiping endlessly.

The illusion that the best option is always just ahead

Just like in any large shopping mall, there’s a feeling that somewhere on the next shelf, or in the next section, you’ll find that perfect “offer.” And when the choices are so numerous, why settle for something that’s just good when you can get the very best?

We overestimate the variety but underestimate the quality

A lot of profiles create the impression that we can find the perfect partner who exactly matches our expectations. However, in reality, quantity does not always translate into quality. Superficial browsing of profiles and quick switching between matches prevent us from getting to know anyone more deeply. As a result, many users find themselves in an endless search, without truly engaging in meaningful relationships.

From emotions to gamification

Modern video apps increasingly resemble games. Swipes, likes, superlikes and so on operate on gamification mechanics, keeping users engaged within the app. The more swipes, the higher the chance of a match, and the algorithms teach us to derive pleasure not from the interaction itself, but from the process of selecting a partner.

Just as Spotify creates playlists based on preferences, video algorithms analyze likes, behavioral patterns, and interactions to suggest potential matches. Does this work? Partially. People do find matches based on shared interests, but many “perfect” matches remain just matches. Why does this happen?

Empty chats and dead zones in dates

People can chat for weeks without ever deciding to meet. This happens due to fear of real interaction or because they are simultaneously communicating with dozens of other people.

In addition, the popularity of video apps has led to the emergence of many new phenomena that have made the video process more toxic and stressful. For example, ghosting — when someone suddenly ceases communicating without explanation, just stops responding, leaving the other person confused. Or benching — when one partner keeps the other “on the bench”, periodically showing interest but never taking any steps to develop the relationship. Another common scenario is orbiting —  when someone seems to have stopped communicating but continues to follow you on social media, liking posts and viewing stories, creating the effect of a phantom presence.

How (and where) to find love in the digital age

video apps have given people the opportunity to meet without boundaries. Yet at the same time, they have changed attitudes toward online video. Many perceive them more as entertainment than as a real way to find their other half. Another problem is the desire to create a perfect version of oneself. Filters, staged photos, carefully crafted descriptions — all of this creates unrealistic expectations. When meeting in person, it may turn out that someone is very different from their profile. Therefore, it’s no surprise that people are looking for other ways to meet online.

Alternatives to endless swiping: from events and interest-based clubs to video chat with random girls

An excellent alternative to traditional video apps is video chat. Here, everything happens spontaneously and naturally. There’s no endless choice that makes it hard to decide, no profiles with carefully edited photos, and most importantly — there’s real live communication via video. In online video chat, the system connects people randomly, which makes the process of meeting more organic and less predictable.

For example, CooMeet is a video chat with random girls designed specifically for those looking for serious relationships. Here you can not just have a pleasant time but also meet someone who is genuinely right for you.

Turn off Wi-Fi to turn on feelings

For video to bring real benefits, it is important to remember:

Algorithms are just a tool, not a guarantee of matches. Your number of matches does not relate to the quality of relationships. Sincerity is valued more than a perfectly crafted profile. Real communication is always more important than virtual popularity.

No algorithm can replace real emotions, and swipes and likes cannot build relationships. So don’t forget real life, or you might miss something truly important.