This divisive sex act gets men off but women say it’s a ‘hell no’

Spitting during sex certainly isn’t for everyone (Picture: Getty Images)

We only just discovered that facesitting was the on-top sex act that women adore in porn, but what about the one women hate?

Spitting during sex, dubbed ‘disgusting’ and ‘degrading’ by some women online, is a huge mainstay in porn, with Clips4Sale’s spit fetish category containing well over 1.1 million videos.

But gobbing in someone’s mouth or on their body has been decried by the 75% female audience of ethical porn site Sssh.com, which revealed it was the most-hated act on their site.

‘We’ve received a number of strongly worded comments expressing displeasure with spit — especially when it ends up in a lover’s mouth — on screen,’ founder Angie Rowntree explains.

‘The most succinct ones simply read: “Please, no spit. Instant turnoff”. Our members do not find this visually appealing, and some even express hygiene concerns.’

Given spitting on someone outside the bedroom is deemed a criminal offence in the UK, and Metro uncovered 300,000 female runners have been spat on by men, it seems almost bizarre than in a pornographic setting, it’s largely something done by men to women – who seemingly welcome it.

This tables with the fact 94.4% of aggressive scenes in porn target women, which the government says has ‘industrialised the sexual objectification and degradation of women’.

The scene in the Too Much trailer where the indie artist Felix spits in Jess’ mouth (Picture: Netflix)

In spite of this, following the viral ‘hawk tuah’ movement Haliey Welch started in 2024, spitting in sex is becoming increasingly normalised throughout society.

You only have to look as far as the trailer for Lena Dunham’s hotly-anticipated rom-com Too Much to see an indie musician spitting into the main character Jess’ mouth — something viewers found ‘totally disgusting’.

Where did spitting in sex cross the line?

‘Spit play isn’t new and exists on a spectrum; from being aroused by the idea of exchanging fluids and slobbery kisses, to allowing saliva to drip from your mouth during oral sex or spitting directly on to someone’s body,’ psychotherapist Hannah Jackson-McCamley tells Metro.

As a BDSM practice, Hannah explains that spitting can add to someone’s sex life, as long as it’s done properly.

‘If everyone is enthusiastically consensual and the rules are established so healthy sexual practices can ensue, then spitting can represent many things from domination and control, consensual degradation, claiming, connection, intimacy as well as sensory pleasure,’ she says.

But we hit a point where spitting moved from a more niche BDSM practice to something a little too standard.

‘Easy access to porn and the algorithmic bias to maximise engagement means sexual practices that might have previously been deemed kinky or even extreme have been normalised,’ UK Council for Psychotherapy spokesperson Hannah adds.

While this may inspire some men and women to try new things, which can create a potentially more ‘fulfilling’ sex life, the lack of communication and mutual consent in porn, which are the foundations of safe kink play, are often absent, according to the expert.

Many women have branded the act degrading and disgusting (Picture: Getty Images)

‘There is no doubt people are adopting sexual practices based on what they’ve seen and that are not okay to everyone involved,’ Hannah says.

Why do women hate spitting in sex?

While men on Reddit have said spitting in their partner’s mouths is ‘fun as hell’ and they don’t understand why people think it’s ‘so gross and depraved’, a huge number of women share a different take.

‘It’s disgusting and it totally kills the mood,’ said one. ‘If someone did that to me I would immediately cancel that s*** because it’s gross.’

Another wrote it would trigger an ‘immediate fully body shut down on [their] end’, while someone else admitted they found it ‘disgusting and degrading’.

Others commented with the visceral reactions they’d have if someone spat on them in sex without asking. One said, ‘I think I would literally grab his balls and twist’, and another added: ‘if he ever spit on me, I’d never speak to him again’.

Psychotherapist Hannah notes that many women can find this act ‘unsexy’, because of hygiene reasons, but also because of the association of disrespect and degradation, and subsequently, misogyny.

‘The notion of spitting at or on someone is largely seen as contemptuous and insulting across cultures,’ Hannah explains. ‘With that in mind, it might seem surprising that your partner might want to integrate it into your sex life given its socially unacceptable connotations.

‘But it’s also kind of the point – it’s taboo and at its heart it’s about power and degradation.

‘Spitting may not be for everyone but let’s not stigmatise or pathologise sexual play if it’s safe, sane and consensual – the ethical underpinning of BDSM that delineates safe sexual exploration with abuse.’

There is a way to enjoy spit play but it’s not for everyone (Picture: Getty Images)

How to introduce spit play during sex

There’s a simple answer to this, and it’s to talk about spit play with your sexual partner.

‘But don’t bring it up once you’re already getting down to business,’ Hannah advises. ‘Do it outside the bedroom and don’t assume talking about it will mean you’ll get it.’

She says the conversation should be used as an opportunity to flirt and discover what might turn you on with regards to spit play. For example, do you want spit on your genitals, your wider body, or in your mouth?

‘Introducing new things requires sensitivity and understanding and needs mutual, consensual negotiation,’ Hannah continues.

‘If you rarely talk about sex at all, start slow and gentle with the option for time-out if either of you become defensive or withdraw. Trust and intimacy is essential to all sexual exploration.’

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