Sabrina Carpenter’s new album gives a lesson in foreplay for longtime lovers

Sabrina’s new album may be controversial, but she makes a very good point (Picture: AP)

‘Baby, just do the dishes, I’ll give you what you want.’

There’s nothing like a man armed with washing up liquid and a tea towel to get you in the mood. At least, that’s what Sabrina Carpenter says.

The popstar’s new album, Man’s Best Friend, was finally released this week. And while it’s been mired in controversy, from the racy artwork to the accompanying music videos, there’s one track that’s got us talking.

‘Tears’ might sound like it’s going to be a sad-girl ballad, but it’s all kinds of horny, with synth-pop 80s beats and lyrics like: ‘A little initiative can go a very long, long way, a little communication, yes, that’s my ideal foreplay.’

As far as the Espresso singer is concerned, assembling an IKEA chair is the ultimate way to light a woman’s fire, a concept more widely known as choreplay: performing household tasks in the hopes of turning a partner on.

Her sentiments are shared by many others too. In 2019, American Influencer Bri Dietz claimed there’s ‘nothing hotter’ than seeing her husband do chores, prompting comments from the likes of Jena Anderberg, saying: ‘Seeing my man working around the house always gets things going.’

A number of women who featured in Gillian Anderson’s book, Want, which collates the sexual fantasies of women around the world, felt the same.

Sharing her deepest desires, one wrote: ‘To have my husband say he’s hired a cleaner. To have my husband say he’s done the grocery shopping… To have my husband say I changed the bed sheets and did the laundry and folded the laundry.’

‘Choreplay’ shows you’re a team

When you’ve been together for a while it can be easy to become complacent, but psychotherapist Natasha Silverman tells Metro that actively pulling your weight around the house is fundamental to relationship and intimate success.

‘It plays directly into whether a couple feel like lovers, or like one partner is carrying everyone else,’ she says.

‘That sense of partnership allows us to relax, feel cared for, and want to connect emotionally and sexually.’

If you share chores, you’re likely to have a much more rewarding intimate life, according to the expert.

‘It signals that our partner see us, value us, and isn’t relying on outdated cultural norms where women do the majority of the domestic work,’ Natasha adds.

The gendered aspect can’t be ignored here. In heterosexual relationships, just 12% of male breadwinners do the majority of household tasks.

‘Women carry the mental load of chores, admin, parenting — often with little acknowledgement,’ says Natasha.

When this load is acknowledged and our partner’s actions show our needs have been heard, rather than minimised, she says it’s a ‘huge turn-on’.

It tracks, since a study in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour journal in 2022 found that women in relationships with men who utilised weaponised incompetence and failed to help with chores reported lower sexual desire.

Sabrina Carpenter has made her views known (Picture: 2025 Getty Images)

Setting the mood

For some people, environment plays a big part in feeling ready for sex.

Intimacy expert, Shan Boodram, recently spoke on podcast, Armchair Expert, and said that some people are ‘environmentalists’ in the bedroom, meaning the space you’re being intimate in has to be just-so.

‘My husband would fit underneath… ‘environmentalist’,’ she said. ‘For him, it’s preparing the room, making sure that the kids can’t hear us, putting on music, making sure that he has time to shower.

‘All of those are essential for him to feel like, “okay, now.”‘

And for many people — men and women — that can mean a home that’s in order.

That doesn’t mean you can simply wander up to your partner and ask for a list of what needs doing, though. As Sabrina says in Tears, ‘a little initiative can go a very long, long way.’

Chores as ‘payment’ for sex

But choreplay hasn’t been well received by all. Many believe it implies sex is a reward for men doing the housework — which is particularly problematic given studies show women do 54% of household chores.

As Natasha says: ‘It’s not about a transaction, but building up trust and reliability in the bank of your relationship.

‘Showing up equally at home can make you a more attractive partner, because it shifts the dynamic from pressure and obligation into respect, appreciation and desire.

‘I hear time and again that women find it incredibly appealing when a man notices what needs doing and just does it — no asking, no fuss, and no parade of appreciation required.’

For sexologist Gigi Engle, she says couples should look at choreplay as a ‘happy byproduct’ if it leads to intimacy, which is likely.

‘There are brakes and accelerators when it comes to libido — known as the dual control model. The more things that are on the brakes, the less likely you are to be interested in sex,’ she tells Metro.

‘When your partner does stuff around the house and takes that off your plate, it frees up that mind space, so it’s a lot easier to access your libido.’

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