My husband cheated for 20 years — now I’m kissing a school gate mum

This week’s diarist is experimenting with ENM (Picture: Myles Goode/ Getty)

Welcome to How I Do It, the series in which we give you a seven-day sneak peek into the sex life of a stranger.

This week we hear from Stevie*, a 50-year-old mum-of-two who lives in Surrey.

In February 2024, Stevie got divorced for her husband of 20 years. Since then, she been embracing polyamory.

‘My relationship with sex has become orgasmic and a bit kinky,’ Stevie, who is sexually fluid, explains. ‘My sex life has become an alternate reality, separate from my responsibilities as a single mother.’

But, her polyamorous lifestyle isn’t something she’s willing to share with her teenage children just yet.

‘My ex has a new, much younger, lover,’ Stevie explains. ‘He introduced the kids to her after just a month, without telling me.’

‘They’re not massive fans of hers, but they’ve been asking me when I’ll get a boyfriend.

But Stevie is protective of her heart. ‘My divorce was painful. While I was monogamous, he was persistently unfaithful.’

Without further ado, here’s how Stevie got on this week…

The following sex diary is, as you might imagine, not safe for work.

Monday

I wake up to a message from Sean*, a friend I met in Feeld. He lives in Ireland, and I like that we’ve never met in person. We have a pen-romance, sending each other stories, poems and checking in daily.

I smile to myself, then shower and wake the kids. I’m the primary parent for Michael* and Simon*, but they’re going to their dad’s for a week tomorrow. I’m making the most of the time I have by filling it with dates and encounters.

I help the kids pack and send a message to Ben*, a dentist who’s six months out of a 26-year marriage. We’re meeting tomorrow for our fourth date after meeting on Hinge. Tomorrow, he’s losing his post-marriage virginity to me.

Once the kids are picked up, I take a bath, carefully shaving and exfoliating, then I paint my nails. I want to give myself an orgasm, but I promised I would save myself for Ben.

I’ve gone eight weeks without sex due to childcare responsibilities. I can’t wait for tomorrow.

Tuesday 

After working from my garden office, I pack my bag for my over-nighter. I wonder if it’s overly naughty to bring toys, but the very heavy petting on our last date makes me think he’ll like it. So, I pack a dildo and a clitoral stimulator.

Later, Ben and I meet up in the hotel bar. At 6″2, he bends to kiss me on the lips, breathes me in and whispers: ‘You look and smell amazing’.

There’s a distinct sexual tension between us, the feeling that we could rip each other’s clothes off here and f**k on the table in front of everyone. We make small talk until he leans in and says: ‘Let’s go upstairs’. It sounds like a command, and gives me goosebumps.

When the door shuts behind us, we kiss, his hands explore my body, and he slips them under my dress. I give him a slow striptease, smiling, undoing my wrap dress and letting it fall to the floor.

He begins to kiss me all over, slowly stripping me of my carefully curated underwear. He instructs me with gentle dominance, something I discovered I liked in the early days of Feeld.

I push him down into a chair and go down on him. When he’s hard I gently ride him in the chair. Then we move to the bed and do missionary before he manoeuvres me onto my knees and takes me from behind. I love every second.

Wednesday

I wake up at 4am, Ben’s hard penis pressing against me. I want him again, so I lean into him and he understands the signal.

When we wake up again, we talk about life after long relationships. He tells me he thinks he might be polyamorous, and I tell him about my explorations since leaving my marriage.

We part ways and in the evening I’m off to meet an old friend, Jon, for dinner. We’ve been friends for 30 years, but he lives in America, so we only catch up once a year.

Jon and I have an enduring love. Nothing has ever happened between us, but I know that if he lived in the UK, we’d be together in a heartbeat.

I meet him in our favourite restaurant at 7pm, like we do every year. When we say goodbye at the taxi rank, our lips meet. But, we pull away quickly and say our goodnights — neither of us want to ruin the friendship.  

I get into bed with mixed emotions. When I experience moments like that with Jon, it makes me think I’m monogamous. But, after a sh**ty treacherous husband, I don’t know if I believe that there’s a good man out there to be monogamous with.

For now, polyamory reduces the potential of being hurt, while giving me the intimacy I crave.

Thursday

This evening, I head out to a country pub, where I’m seeing my friend Ella*. We met on Feeld at the start of my single life, when we were both fresh out of painful relationships. We went on a couple of dates but kept it at friends.

Often though, the lines blur. We kiss or sext. Tonight, Ella’s brought her two boyfriends along, and I know she’s keen to try a foursome.

The conversation starts well — both guys are pleasant and we have some engaging discussions. But then one of them questions my account of how my ex treated me. After asking what happened, he suggests I might be mistaken about my own experiences.

I have zero tolerance for any man attempting to invalidating my feelings so the foursome isn’t to be. But I must admit, the idea of trying one is kind of sexy — definitely something to keep on the bucket list.

Friday

Beth* is popping over this afternoon to drink gin and help me put up a blind in my office.

She’s a good friend of mine, our sons went to school together, and we got divorced at the same time.

For the last two years, there’s been a lot of pent-up frustration between us.  In fact, she surprised me with a kiss on my birthday two years ago, as my marriage was breaking down.

After that, I fantasised about her a lot. I hadn’t slept with a woman since my 20s but she reignited those feelings.

Over the last 18 months, we’ve had a few dalliances, kissing at parties and whispering secret fantasies, a boozy sleepover after too much wine — we’re both willing something to happen, but we’re terrified of ruining our friendship.

Once Beth sorts the blind she says: ‘Let’s try it out.’ She rolls it down to cover the double glass doors and kisses me.

We fall into the armchair and look each other in the eyes. We definitely shouldn’t be doing this. We talk about whether we can make things work. We make a plan to meet at hers next weekend — I wonder if it will actually happen.

Saturday

After divorcing, I put a shout-out for other women experiencing separation who might be looking for friends.

This resulted in meeting a fantastic group of women to share dating notes with, get advice, exchange stories and party with.

Tonight, a bunch of us meet at a pub. I realise I’m not the only naughty one — it’s refreshing to have open, non-judgmental conversations and to feel like I’m part of a sisterhood.

Sunday

I got in a 3.30am so I sleep in. Then I’m up to get the house ready and the food shop done for the kids’ arrival tomorrow.

It’s been a full-on week of maximising my ‘me’ time, but when the kids return, my priority will be them. I would like to be less covert with the boys, but this won’t happen until they’re older. I don’t think they’d understand the polydynamic I’m currently in right now.

My Irish friend sends me some Chopin on Telegram, and I pop it on my headphones as I get my work done. I have a slow day, with a hot bath, and an early night. Lots of rest is needed before parenthood begins again.

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