I slept with my ex 10 years later — then he blocked me

Forty minutes later, it became two more cocktails, and I was now taking bug gulps (Picture: Getty Images/Westend61)

‘I had a great time’, I sent this message over WhatsApp to Adam* the day after he left my flat, still swooning and giggling.

After hitting send, I noticed it showed just one grey tick.

Maybe he didn’t have any reception, I considered – and went about my day.

Around an hour later, I checked again. Still one grey tick. Also, I noticed his profile picture wasn’t showing up. Neither was when he was last online.

That’s when it hit me. My ex-boyfriend who I hadn’t seen in 10 years blocked me on WhatsApp after sleeping with me one last time.

What a d**k.

I had just bumped into him in a pub and gave him the benefit of the doubt and I absolutely shouldn’t have. Ten years later, nothing had changed.

I met Adam at university and started dating him almost instantly.

We had music in common – we both liked the same obscure bands and both had an interest in learning the drums. We both never did learn the drums, but went to a lot of gigs together over the years.

Our relationship was an absolute mess. I was a naive young adult who had no idea what I wanted, and believed being treated badly was just the way relationships were.

That’s not entirely my fault: my parents weren’t exactly a beacon of warm light, so as my therapist said to me a hell of a lot: ‘it’s childhood trauma manifesting in your adult life’.

While being negged, I cheated on him (Picture: Getty Images)

And there I was, a student, manifesting with a man who treated me fairly decently at times, and other times would tell me he’d come to visit me because he couldn’t get my ‘annoying voice’ out of his head.

It was negging – a form of emotional manipulation where someone uses backhanded compliments to undermine your self-esteem. And everyone was doing it back then.

So while being negged, I cheated on him. I’m not proud, but I did it.

He did too.

In the three years we dated, we slept with as many people as we could – like an open relationship that no one agreed on.

We had threesomes which we fought through, and one time I filmed him having gay sex which he tried to sell online.

We text each other occasionally but then I decided it was too hard to move on (Picture: Getty Images)

Like I said – a mess.

When we split up after our university course ended, I was actually quite sad.

He awful, and so was I – but we had been in each other’s life for three years. Not just any three years, but during our early 20s. So, the breakup was bittersweet. He moved back to Essex and I went back to London.

We text each other occasionally but then I decided it was too hard to move on and suggested we block each other and never speak again. He agreed and we did just that.

For ten years.

I moved on, got into relationships with other people, moved around the UK, came out as bisexual and started taking dating more seriously.

That’s when I agreed to meet a Hinge date, Rich*, at a pub in central London. 

Rich was a nice looking guy, with a strong jawline and dazzling smile. He wasn’t as receptive to messages, but through experience, not everyone was. Some people are better in person, I came to realise.

We hugged, caught up, had a few drinks and before I knew it, we were flirting (Picture: Getty Images)

So after putting on my favourite dress, I went to the pub and waited for him while slowly sipping on a cocktail. Forty minutes later, it became two more cocktails, and I was now taking bug gulps.

I was being stood up.

Then, the door opened, and eagerly looking up I saw a familiar face.

Adam. 

He looked exactly the same, whereas I had changed a fair bit – my hair, make-up style, body and so on – looked different. But he was wearing a t-shirt I recognised from when we dated.

That should have been a red flag.

I considered hiding under the table when he spotted me.

‘Sydney?’

The familiar cadence of his voice felt sweet in my ears, and I relaxed. He was walking toward me with a huge smile on his face, happy to see me.

And I was, in all honesty, so happy to see him – especially after being stood up.

We hugged, caught up, had a few drinks and before I knew it, we were flirting. 

I asked him why he was there, and he planted the idea of meeting friends at a different pub and had actually walked into the wrong one – I began to wonder if he spotted me through the window, but I was too tipsy to care.

We mentioned how we had blocked each other on everything, and decided to unblock our numbers and social media platforms. We talked about everything we did in the past ten years.

That night we went back to his flat, which he informed me was right in central London, since he was now ‘very rich’. I rolled my eyes, remembering how important money was to him, and just nodded, pretending to be impressed.

Then, we slept together, and it was great – despite everything we went through together, the sex had always been top tier.

But when I texted him the next day, and realised he had blocked me again, I couldn’t believe it. Our re-connection meant more than sex, surely. I went on Instagram, TikTok – all my social media channels. Even Spotify.

Blocked.

The truth is Adam never had changed, and was always going to be self-serving. I learnt another lesson that day – don’t sleep with the ex you’ve blocked, there’s a reason you blocked him.

*Names have been changed

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