I broke my date’s nose during sex – but he didn’t stop

I’d known Gary for around 10 years – we were good friends (Picture: Getty Images)

‘Ow!’

Gary* and I both yelled out in pain at the exact same time. He was behind me when he screamed, and I was on all fours.

I felt something wet drip on my back.

‘Wait-’ I tried to stop him, but Gary was behind me, riding me doggy-style and about to orgasm.

But I had just headbutted his nose and was pretty sure he was dripping blood on my back.

This didn’t stop him, though.

‘Wait’, he echoed me, but softer and with more urgency. ‘I’m about to-’

And then he finally orgasmed, with a pool of blood forming on the dip in my back.

Gary had broken his nose and waited to finish his orgasm before doing anything about it.

It didn’t feel too shocking – I’m pretty sure his arm could have fallen off and he would have continued. Like the old adage goes: ‘Men are like microwaves, you just push a button to turn them on’.

And this man’s button had truly been pushed – nothing was getting in his way.

He finally orgasmed, with a pool of blood forming on the dip in my back (Picture: Getty Images)

It feels like a pretty strange thing to say now, but Gary was a sweet guy.

By the time he’d broken his nose during sex with me, I had known him for around ten years; we’d met and become friends at university.

He liked to drink – as did I – and so he was my pub buddy, always the first to respond to my usual Friday text of: ‘Pub, anyone?’ in our group chat.

Eventually, he became one of my closest friends, and we’d frequent pub quizzes, museum Lates and the theatre or cinema together.

I liked him, but I didn’t see him as anything more than a friend. He was good-looking, just not my type. He also seemed needy and quite whiny – which is fine as a mate, but certainly not what I wanted in a partner.

Then he met Francesca* at work, and his life changed. 

We never kissed much – we didn’t want to taint our friendship or make things complicated (Picture: Getty Images)

They started dating very quickly, and we were all happy for him. I’d lost my pub buddy, yes; but I had started to get tired of the pub life, and happily welcomed an interrupted schedule. It allowed more time for the ‘healthy living’ craze I had decided to become obsessed over – yoga and eating granola was my new ‘Friday pub night’.

After around six months of dating, Gary moved in with Francesca, and their life seemed to have been going towards the direction of marriage and 2.5 kids.

I was happy to find that she lived close to me, so I got to see him more often.

Then, our group WhatsApp chat got a 2:00am text from Gary: ‘She left me for Harold*’.

Ten months into their relationship, Francesca had decided that she didn’t actually want to be with Gary from work – she wanted Harold from work instead.

We all saw the text at different times – it took me the longest, as I was practising a ‘day without screens’. But when I finally saw it, my heart dropped.

Poor little Gary – I instantly felt sorry for him; and continued feeling sorry for him in the following days.

So that’s why, one night – when he came round to mine to wallow his sorrows in the Lord of the Rings trilogy and wine – we ended up having sex. Not because I really wanted to, but because I wanted him to stop talking about Francesca for more than five minutes at a time.

And it worked. For two weeks after they split, Gary and I had enough sex to be able to talk about something other than the size of Harold’s biceps.

I didn’t realise until after that Gary had actually broken his nose (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)

Then one night, after polishing off some rum, we went to bed.

We never kissed much. We didn’t want to taint our friendship or make things complicated by being too romantic, and I also found it kinkier to have sex without kissing.

So, we would go straight into touching each other’s bodies with our tongues. But he was especially eager that night, and flipped me around on all fours to penetrate me.

It was okay sex – I’m not going to lie, he wasn’t that good in bed. But I was happy to be doing a service.

He definitely wanted to orgasm fast that night, though, because he was really ramming into me. So I responded by flipping my head back in reaction to one particular thrust, and that’s when the back of my head hit his nose.

At least this was his story now: not one of heartbreak, but one of a nose break (Picture: Getty Images/Westend61)

I heard only the thump of my head, and didn’t realise until after that Gary had actually broken his nose.

But instead of stopping, he orgasmed and fell on the bed.

I rushed to the bathroom to get towels for his face – and clean my back – but when I walked back in, he was just laughing.

‘This isn’t funny!’ I said with an urgency, throwing my towel at him and looking for my jeans.

‘I haven’t laughed in a while’, he said, smiling at me.

I smiled back. ‘Great, you laughed,’ I thought. ‘My sheets, however, are ruined.’ And his nose – broken.

But I kept that to myself, helped him wash his face, and then took the bus with him to A&E. He sat in silence for a lot of it, but I knew he was happy despite everything.

At least this was his story now: not one of heartbreak, but one of a nose break.

Men can be such a tragedy.

*Name has been changed

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