He was a perfect gentleman – then he asked to tickle my feet

Adam explained that, despite what I might have assumed, he didn’t have a foot fetish, he just enjoyed looking for the reaction to the tickling (Picture: ameliamayphotos)

Adam* and I were halfway through a bottle of wine, the lighting was soft and the conversation easy.

It wasn’t earth shattering but comfortable – a parade of beige flags, as opposed to the usual striking red ones I was used to. 

Then Adam turned to me, I thought to ask me to stay the night or for another date. Instead, I heard the words which guaranteed there would not be a third. 

‘Would you mind if I tickled your feet?’

Adam explained that, despite what I might have assumed, he didn’t have a foot fetish, he just enjoyed looking for the reaction to the tickling. 

I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t talk. I just froze. It was an instant dealbreaker. 

We had met on Hinge, chatting for just over a week. I’m not one for endless chat prior to meeting.

He was nice looking and polite, but nothing to write home about necessarily – brown eyes, dark hair, good build, well-spoken and cultured. If nothing else, he ticked plenty of sensible boxes.

Our first date had been lovely. We met at a wine and cheese spot in Borough Market. At the end of the night we kissed at the entrance of London Bridge, surrounded by rain puddles.

It was undeniably a very cinematic moment, but he didn’t immediately set my soul on fire. 

There was definitely potential, however, or at least enough interest to see where it could go. 

On our second encounter the following week, we went out for dinner. After we’d eaten, we realised neither of us were ready to go home, so we went back to his place for drinks.

I quickly realised this was a real turn-on for him (Picture: Keye Luke)

Again, the evening up to this point was perfectly pleasant; nothing out of the ordinary happened. 

I think that’s why it was such a shock when he made his tickling request. I’d been lulled into a false sense of security. 

As soon as he said it, my brain scrambled to work out what to do. Surely, I thought, it was a joke or a personality quirk. Or perhaps it could be medical. 

I quickly realised this was a real turn-on for him, from the expression of glee across his face.

I’m not one to kink shame. But I can say with certainty tickling is not for me, including in a non-sexual capacity. As someone who’s incredibly ticklish, the entire concept seems almost barbaric to me. 

I can’t stand the idea of losing control like that.

But I just couldn’t bring myself to refuse him. I didn’t even ask any of the questions flooding into my head at that moment.

I just said yes. 

But the biggest reason of all is because I just have a really hard time telling people no (Picture: Keye Luke)

When I look back on it, I think there are a few reasons why I acquiesced. It was partly out of politeness, partly out of curiosity, and partly because at that point I was still interested in him, despite the weirdness of the situation. 

But the biggest reason of all is because I just have a really hard time telling people no.

I like to make people happy and generally speaking if it includes editing or amending parts of myself to do so I’m happy to.

In that moment of pure confusion, my lifelong ticklishness completely disappeared. Younger me would have, involuntarily laughed, flinched and wriggled. But I sat there mildly stunned, wildly confused, while a very polite doctor enthusiastically tickled my feet. 

All I could do was wish for it to be over (Picture: vsanchorstudio)

The tickling, which was just the feet, was one sided thankfully. There was eye contact throughout and for the most part he tried to keep normal conversation going at intervals whilst tickling.

But that night, I felt nothing. 

It probably only lasted a minute or two, but it felt like time stopped. All I could do was wish for it to be over. 

When the moment finally passed, we went back to normal chitchat, though I felt slightly awkward, but I finished the wine, and politely made my exit within half an hour. 

The real problem wasn’t the tickling, but my people pleasing.

He messaged to ask what I was up to the following week a few days later, I said I wasn’t sure I was ready to date in a serious way at the moment and maybe it was best we leave things here for now. I wasn’t completely honest, but kind.

I can’t judge him for his request. We like what we like. And honestly, introducing it so early on, considering I was little more than a stranger to him, felt brave. 

It’s made me think more about the hidden depths people can have. I was so shocked by his revelation, I kept thinking to myself, ‘He just gave me no indication that that was his thing’.

More importantly, if you’re not careful, you might find yourself in a rather awkward situation (Picture: vsanchorstudio)

But upon reflection, I’m not sure what indication he could have given. It’s just one small facet of his life. It doesn’t define him, so there’s no reason why it would define his behaviour or personality. 

I sometimes have a hard time saying no, such as the venue one may choose, what we’re drinking or doing on a date, simple things which feel easier to say yes to than to cause a fuss.

 But I’ve learned it has absolutely no place in dating. Because if you are constantly agreeing to things you don’t really want, the person sitting opposite isn’t actually dating you.

More importantly, if you’re not careful, you might find yourself in a rather awkward situation.

I may have been ‘cured’ of being ticklish and learnt a lesson about dating, but it came with a hefty price.

*Names have been changed

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