He gave me great orgasms – but there was something missing

I felt strange asking, having just had my fourth orgasm of the night (Picture: Getty Images)

‘Why don’t we have sex?’, I asked, bluntly.

I was sitting in bed in front of my recent hook-up, Jaz*, after spending the night at his for the third time. We had been orally intimate, again – but there was something missing.

I felt strange asking, having just had my fourth orgasm of the night. 

But it was bugging me – as was his reaction to my question.

Because Jaz had just frowned slightly and looked away. 

‘Why aren’t you f***ing me?’, I blurted out in his silence.

‘I can’t’, he blurted back.

I was shocked into silence. But after a moment, it dawned on me – I had never seen him erect. 

He couldn’t get an erection.

We met online, but his profile said very little (Picture: Getty Images)

I didn’t know this when I first matched with Jaz on Tinder. All I knew was that he had a jawline chiseled by the gods, and I wanted to make out with him.

His profile said very little. Together with a couple of photos of him alone, some with friends cropped out, it simply stated the kind of car he drove, with a photo of him standing next to it.

But I didn’t care to find out about his interest in cars. That certainly wasn’t what drew me to him.

I was there for one thing – to have sex with this gorgeous man.

We matched and he instantly suggested a drink in his local north London pub. Luckily it was a short 15-minute bus ride from me, so I happily accepted.

I hadn’t had sex in a couple of months at that point, and I was absolutely gagging for it. I made sure my cleavage looked its best, my legs immaculately shaved and my lips covered in my favourite red lipstick.

Buzzing, I left my house for – what I thought would be – a fantastic shag.

Sitting outside the pub, Jaz greeted me as I walked up; his charming smile and stylish clothes made me sigh in relief. One too many times, my suitors had lied significantly on their profiles – but not tonight.

Our conversation flowed, as did the drinks, and after a few glasses of wine I suggested we go back to his. At that point, I was fairly drunk, but eager.

Smiling, he scooped me up in his arms and we wobbled our way to his flat.

Outside his building was his car: large, looming and ominous. 

Also foreboding, as it turned out – he was definitely trying to make up for something.

I was there for one thing – sex with this gorgeous man (Picture: Getty Images)

We fell into his bed; and, instead of taking his clothes off, he went down on me. It was amazing. And then, he did it again. And again.

In between, he poured us more wine, played his favourite records and I eventually passed out.

It wasn’t what I expected, but I had a great time. The next morning, I left quietly and went back home, with a horrible hangover.

I assumed he’d had too much to drink to be able to have penetrative sex with me. So I decided to give him another go.

A couple of days later, I messaged him: ‘Let’s do that again but with less wine’, I said, adding a smiley face to show I wasn’t disappointed.

‘Haha okay, let’s do it’, he responded, also with a smiley face.

After a few glasses of wine I suggested we go back to his (Picture: Getty Images/500px)

That weekend, I went to see him – and was surprised to find him drunk. He had been out drinking in the sun all day with his friends – and instead of cancelling on me, he thought being drunk was better than being absent.

I wasn’t so sure, but I really fancied him, so I dismissed it and we went to bed.

This time, he went down on me again – and then passed out.

I’d had an orgasm, so it wasn’t like I was that disappointed – but I was disappointed enough to leave straight away.

He sent me a text the next day apologising, and I decided to give him one more chance. It’s not like he’d done anything wrong; he was going down on me, something I usually had to ask men to do.

I’d had an orgasm, so it wasn’t like I was that disappointed – but I was disappointed enough to leave straight away (Picture: Getty Images)

He came round to mine and we started making out. I noticed his clothes were still on, so I started taking them off. I wondered whether he was self-conscious about his body – maybe that was why he didn’t ever get fully naked.

My mind started racing, I couldn’t concentrate on what he was doing. He was moving down my body, and I was slowly trying to pull his clothes off. But we were both going against each other, and it ended up being a bit of a wrestle until I just let go and he stared at me, red in the face, his t-shirt wrapped around his neck.

That’s when I asked why he wasn’t having sex with me.

And I was so happy I asked, because I finally understood him.

‘Okay, the truth. I used to do a lot of drugs. Like, a lot of drugs. And so, I don’t get erections anymore. It messed with me down there.’

He seemed slightly embarrassed but I felt like maybe he had told this story a lot by now, to many women.

I noticed his clothes were still on, so I started taking them off. I wondered whether he was self-conscious about his body (Picture: Getty Images)

‘So’, he continued, ‘I now just enjoy sex differently. Is that okay with you?’

It was actually heartbreaking, but I respected how he’d found the joy in it. He’d chosen to embrace that part of his new sex life and had learned how to give great head.

Instead of getting bogged down by it, like many people would, he’d decided to enjoy life regardless.

He smiled, looking into my eyes, knowing I couldn’t really complain.

And I really couldn’t.

That night he went down on me eight times, and we both had the best time.

I didn’t see him much after that. I got into a more serious relationship, and he eventually moved away.

But I will never forget the man who gave excellent head because he’d chosen to embrace life.

*Name has been changed

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