Al-Qaeda Wins New York Primary

NEW YORK, NY — Almost 25 years after it successfully flew two jetliners into the Twin Towers, killing thousands of people, Al-Qaeda clinched Tuesday's New York City primary election in an explosive landslide victory. According to sources, the number one issue going into the election was Jews — an issue voters appear to have solved by electing known Al-Qaeda terrorists Brad Lander (NY-10), Darializa Avila Chevalier (NY-13), and Claire Valdez (NY-7). Moderate Democrats were reportedly unable to win over voters — half of whom were Muslims who deliberately infiltrated the city for the sole purpose of defeating them. "Allahu Akbar!"...